Exclusive Vs. Non-Exclusive: The Closed Side

Nowadays the word monogamous is dirty, and people are keen to live a life without labels on it. But fundamentally everybody wants to be loved and to find that special person somewhere in the seven billion people in the world that is their soulmate. Some people who are in love aren't together, and some people who are together aren't in love, but pairing off has been a thing since Noah's Ark and it's still a side that needs to be considered.

Exclusive

I've been in a lot of different types of relationships but I have never felt more comfortable than when I was in a happy monogamous relationship. I am the kind of person who wants to give their care and affection to one person - I want to experience new restaurants, bars, travel opportunities and live in general with one person, and I see so much value in being able to grow together. When I was with my husband, we actually never fought which was very uncommon. People would remark how good we were together and no matter what we did we found comfort in knowing that we had a best friend, a confidant, and a lover all in one. We made life decisions together, we had beautiful experiences, and we were comfortable together.

It's not all suns and roses though because we did end up divorced, but it was not really through any problematic way such as cheating or even growing apart. He didn't have many friends of his own because he was relatively new to the area we were living in, so it meant that I wasn't able to necessarily go out and do things with my friends because I always was worried that he was home alone, bored or resentful that had I grown up here and had friends. So I never stayed out long and I always returned to him.

We had problems in the bedroom because my sex drive was higher than his and he was constantly rejecting me and it took a toll on my self-esteem. But every relationship has problems that you work through and we worked through it together.

I wanted to work it through with him and only him.

Sure we both appreciated the beauty of other men and women around us and sometimes I would feel jealous if he was hanging out with his female best friend too often, but it turned out I had nothing to be worried about when it came to other women.

My ex-husband was and still is my best friend because we grew together and because we gave each other than chance to develop that special bond. Modern day relationships that aren't exclusive means that both parties aren't giving each other the chance to develop that special bond because they are so fixed on finding that next high, on sampling the next flavour of beauty that comes along.

I asked my latest relationship to be exclusive with me and he told me flat out no. He didn't even consider it. It meant that I felt like I had to walk on eggshells around him, and like I couldn't let him in fully because seeing me as the real person I was might drive him away. So I kept things hidden, and our relationship was boring, and it was all surface. All I wanted was for him to give us a chance to let our feelings grow. Unfortunately while mine did (as I was too tired and only wanted to give affection to one person so I wasn't seeing anyone else) his decreased as he dated three other women besides me. Eventually he found someone who wanted to be exclusive and he agreed.

It left me feeling like I wasn't good enough and like I never was.

While I am trying to grow and find my soul mate, I still desperately want that one person to come home to at night. I no longer feel love, and feel jaded at the idea of it, but all I want desperately is to feel it. To be exclusive with someone, and to be given the chance.

If it doesn't work out that is fine. Some things don't. I had the most perfect relationship and it didn't work out. Nothing is constant.

But being exclusive means giving it a chance to work out. Honestly, I'm on this side. Take the risk. It could be worth it in the end.

Photo by Reneesme Portland-Swot